Cycle #4

So my unplanned break cycle ended up turning into a very short cycle...11 days (compared to your avg 28 day cycle) to be exact! I was devestated at first, because of all the issues with the lack of insurance. But I called my doc, they said this is normal when going from medicated cycles to an unmedicated one. Then a day later I got the approval for free meds from Compassionate Care, the drug company's program for a free round of injectable drugs. They were to be delivered to my RE on Friday, so I scheduled an u/s and bloodwork to see if we could start again, since my body started a new cycle! It worked out in our favor to start a new cycle, and so yesterday after 9 days of injections I had an u/s to see if there were any follicle cooking, and I had 5 or 6 that were good sized. I needed to do one more night of stimming, which I didn't have meds for and so my RE gave me some. IUI is schduled for Thursday. And then we have the 2ww. But it's Christmas in a week, so it'll be a good distraction! I'm really anxious this time around, I'm always anxious, but really hopeful for this cycle! If this doesn't work out we might have to stop altogether...our insurance copay has more than doubled and we can't afford to fork out that much each month...so we'll have to leave it be. :( It's hard to think about that...so I'll just think about how this could be IT for us and work out wonderfully!

In the meantime, we are getting ready for the holiday! We went and had breakfast with Santa last weekend and Emmalee loved Santa from a distance, she says: "ho-ho"! When we put her on his lap, she did not like him so much!

I'm really looking forward to Christmas Eve with the Herzogs, VanAukens and more VanAukens!!! Then Christmas morning with Emmalee, Davenports in the afternoon, and Bovenzis in the evening! This is my favorite time of year, I get to see everyone I love! Then not too far is NYE where we'll get to see lots of friends and family here! Happy Holidays!

Forced into a break cycle, and maybe more than just 1

Sometimes I feel this: "Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man”. But then I realize “Hope is not a dream but a way of making dreams become reality.” "Nothing is hopeless, we must hope for everything."

So far the attempts to conceive a second child are failing. We have gone through 3 cycles of injections and IUIs. It's an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, which was expected. It's all come to an abrupt hault though...which was unexpected. Andy's insurance has changed, so we have no coverage on anything but generic prescriptions. This means that the cost of my injections would have to come out of pocket, which we can by no means afford. With our previous copay we paid $60 for meds each cycle, which is nothing compared to the almost $800 per pen I would have to pay...and we get 4-5 pens per cycle!!! So needless to say this cycle is off. No point going for a base-line u/s. So basically there's no chance anything will happen this month. My RE's office referred me to a company that gives a free cycle of the meds I'm on to qualifying patients... I called up and hopefully will recieve a call from them and qualify so that we can start up again before Christmas (if that's when my cycle falls). I can't get my hopes up though... I may not qualify. If that is the case, then we'll have to see if the insurance Andy's company decides to go with in January covers the meds and we'll go from there.

I've told myself and others many times that we'll try all we can, insurance willing, and if we don't conceive then that's that. Emmalee is our one and only, and we are fine with that. Of course I am over the top in love with my little girl, but I have so much more to give, and want another child to share it with, and for Emmalee to love as well. It's just going to be hard to not do anything...and it's not like I made the choice for the break.

Infertility comes in many different ways to many different people. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. There are so many women and men out there that have an even lesser chance of getting what we already have. I feel for them, but cannot push back the desire for one more. In this I feel desparation, helplessness and jealousy. I hate all these feelings and wish I never had to deal with any of them in this aspect.

#1 fail

Cycle #1 failed. It really stinks. It's a little easier the second time around, because I know, no matter what, I have my Emmalee. If she is all we can have, so be it. I would like to give her a sibling though! Hopefully we'll get to do that! We'll just keep swimming!!!

TTC (trying to conceive) baby #2!!

So we've been trying on our own to have a second child since Emmalee was about 6 months old! So that didn't work out, and I've gone back to see my fertility doctor! Started September 1st with 225u of Gonal-f injections and did that for 6 days. Had an u/s and my few follicles weren't developed enough yet so we upped the dose to 300 for 8 more days. Today I had another ultrasound and I have 2 follicles that are almost ready, so I am going to take another 300u injection tonight. Tomorrow morning I take an hCg injection, which will make me ovulate and then on Saturday Andy drops off a sample, I go in a few hours later for an IUI (IntraUterine Insemination). We are really excited to get started on this and to have an aggressive Dr. who doesn't mess around! Hopefully this will work fast and we'll have some good news in the next couple months!

Emmalee turns 1

So today is Emmalee's 1st birthday!
What an amazing year it's been! From all the first things we've experienced, sitting, teething, rolling, talking, clapping, crawling and pulling herself to standing, just to name a few! She's shown us how precious every single minute of every single day in a year is! We celebrated her birthday with all of our family and close friends on Sunday. We had about 70 people at our house. (We also moved in June, so that was new too!) Emmalee was the star of the day, and made us laugh, and me cry, of course! She got so many wonderful gifts from everyone, we are so thankful!
Today we have been lounging around with my mother and sisters and cousin Alex, enjoying this day, remembering where we were a year ago! Daddy had knee surgery so have to go to his follow up appointment this afternoon, but will be going out for her birthday dinner afterward! If he's still going to be home with us tomorrow we plan on taking a day trip to the Niagra Aquarium! Emmalee LOVES fish, or as she calls them: "fssshh".
I hope to start being better about this blogging, making sure I've documented the things Emmalee does...not that anyone reads this but myself. But it's good to be able to look back! :)

Almost 5 Months!

Wow...guess I'm not as religious about posting now that I'm busy with Emmalee! That's ok...periodically I'll update!

Today's a good day to do that!

Emmalee will be 5 months old in about a week! The past 3 months have FLOWN by! All the holidays were so much fun with her! She was the center of attention and we loved it! I can't believe that it's 2010 already!

She's 25 inches tall and weighs just over 14lbs! She's doing great in her growth and development says the Doc! She hasn't rolled over yet, but almost did last night! She's jumping her her jumperoo and loves grabbing things with her hands and put them in her mouth! She's starting the teething process, drooling everywhere and always gumming her fingers and anything that gets near her mouth! She won't start having signs of teeth for a few more months though. She's started wearing 3-6 month clothing! We decided to start introducing cereal so that we can take our time and get her used to it. It starts out very watered down and then we'll thicken it up as the weeks progress. Around 6 months or when she's starting to take down oatmeal consistency the Doc said we could introduce fruits, veggis and meats! How exciting!

I LOVE being home with her! She's starting to interact more with me, so we've got a lot of bonding going on! I love spending my days with her, though when she's napping I'm starting to lose interest in cleaning...haha...but before I know it we'll be planning her 1st birthday!