True "Alone" Time...

So it's a few weeks into the school year... and I finally, after 4 years, have honest to God real alone time every single weekday! It's what I've been dreaming of for over a year now...probably longer...just having some time ALONE in my house.

Sure it's quiet, I "miss" the kids when they're gone...but no, not really. for a little over 2 hours I am able to come home, do some chores, facebook, read, crochet, and eat whatever I want without sharing or putting it down to get soggy or cold to wait on some one else...it's pretty awesome. I've been spending most of my alone time running around the last couple weeks, I figure once winter is upon us I'll be less inclined to go do errands daily, and will get to spend my 2 hrs cleaning and organizing. Or that's my plan anyway.

School is awesome. The boys are in the same PreK class at the same school as Emmalee (who is in 1st grade!) and they LOVE it. They look forward to going everyday and our daily routine is finally the "norm"! Lyla's got a longer day this year...PreK is still 2.5 hours long, but she goes in early or stays late everyday...so she's still adjusting to the longer day, but she's doing awesome! Emmalee had a rough first couple weeks getting back into the swing of school, and coming home with a good attitude...but I believe it was just exhaustion and emotion all coming together at a hard time of day. She's working on her attitude and I think it'll get better for all of us soon!

For now I'm enjoying this alone time and I think it truly helps me appreciate the kids more, and enjoy the time we spend in the afternoons and as a family when Andy's home in the evenings and weekends. I am planning to volunteer when I can in each of the kids classrooms... after a month or 2 of school PreK might be more willing to have parents, but for now they want them to adjust to the newness of school. Can't argue with that!

It's been a rainy couple days so I feel like it's a good day to curl up on the couch for an hour and watch a show...BB17 is calling my name!!

TTFN!

Loving Lyla!

Today we walked for Lyla! Over the past 6 months I've been raising money for Autism Speaks on behalf of Lyla and all the other people we know that have be impacted by autism. With the help of a couple fundraisers (Scentsy & Jamberry) we exceeded our goal of $500 and as a team raised over $600 for Autism Speaks! It's amazing that people are so willing to give to such a great cause!

Walk day was so fun! We all sported our "Loving Lyla" shirts! It was a beautiful day to walk, and the kids had a blast at the fair they put on beforehand.

Mistakes...

So I've made a mistake...and I didn't realize that I probably do this on a daily basis, but I will from now on be more mindful of it, and try to stop making this mistake.

What is this mistake I made? Well I assumed Lyla couldn't do something just because she doesn't do it for me. This is wrong, and now I know that...and I guess I kind of knew that already but I was just being a protective mommy and didn't want too much expected from her.

We were at the triplets' well visit with the Pediatrician. The nurse was conducting all of their measurements and doing hearing/vision screening with each of them. The boys went first, and then it was Lyla's turn. I told the nurse not to bother with the hearing test, and that she wouldn't be able to identify the 3 vision test cards that they showed the boys. The cards were about the size of my hand, white with a black image (and a weird-looking image too, not a friendly picture but similar to those on an actual eye chart) and were a cake with some candles, a horse (with a rider possibly) and a vehicle (the boys called it a truck). At home and in school Lyla can ID mostly animals and some foods and things like flowers and such...I didn't think she'd be able to do this.

Thank goodness for the nurse... she said "let's see what she can do..." She held up the cake and Lyla said "Happy Birthday!" "See Mom," the nurse said, "she's full of surprises!!!" I almost started crying right there. I know, it's sappy and weird to cry at a 4 year old's well visit, but she did something I didn't think she would or could do, and I almost held her back from doing it. I've probably been making this mistake for a long time. She went on and knew what the horse was "horsey!"as well.

She surprises us on a daily basis now, and does things we don't expect, and we rejoice and encourage more!! But there's often times through out the day where we just assume Lyla won't show interest, or be able to do xyz, I have to stop that. I push the other kids to try doing this or that...I should push her too...and always let her try something that I think she can't or won't do, because she is way more in tune with things than she lets on.

I realize I'm not intentionally trying to hold her back but to protect her from anxiety or frustration if she cannot do what is expected of her. A doctor visit, for example, is a very overwhelming thing for her, a lot of waiting and being in small room for all that time, and adding non preferred tasks to that, well I feared it could get difficult. She's way better at working outside her comfort zones than I give her credit for. All I have to say is, I am going to do my best to never hold her back, no matter what I think. She's full of surprises!

Here are the images...the cake and horse from the top line and the vehicle in the middle...they were on individual flash cards that the nurse showed them one at a time. 

Goodbye three year olds....

Tonight we put to bed 3 three year olds...what a bittersweet feeling it was. I'm ready for the fun that is FOUR! PreK, learning to write and be a part of the school community, and all the realizations that come with 4 year olds. It's pretty awesome! I'm also ready for the "threenager" stage to be over, though I'm not sure it's quite done YET. They are definitely challenging me at every turn, but they are amazing to watch grow.

Owen is starting to attempt to write his name. He's quick to give up, but with lots of praise and encouragement he can soon see, HE CAN DO IT! He just passed an egg challenge, he tested low positive for an egg allergy way back when, and we've been waiting until he would cooperate to challenge in the office...which means he tasted tiny bits of egg, and more and more over the course of 4 hours to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction. He didn't react, and he even told me he liked the plain unseasoned egg. So there's hope to add another protein to his diet! Woohoo!

Noah still isn't sure which hand to write with, but he's always will to try anything and everything. He's amazing me with how much more I can understand him now than 6 months ago. He's go so much to say, and he's learning to communicate it more clearly everyday! His energy level is through the roof, I wish I could have an ounce of it, just to make it through the week!! I cannot wait to take him on some new adventures over these next few weeks!

Lyla is amazing. She's talking more, echoing us all the time. Tonight she even initiated conversation with us on a few occasions! It was amazing. She was clearly asking for food she wanted at the table. "I want chicken. Thank you much!" "I want......(she paused to think of what the right word for watermelon was)...gummies." pointing at the watermelon. I told her what it was and dished some out, when that was gone she said, "I want watermelon." (wah-meyon) Outside we have a table that has stone tiles, 2 are broken. She's look at me to get my attention and when she had it, she points to the broken piece and says "Oh no! What happened? It's broken!" WHAT????!!!! I was floored! Yes it is broken I said and she then points to the other piece that was broken and repeated herself. It doesn't mean much to anyone but us...but it's her telling us, she's getting what's going on around her. She is observing way more than we probably give her credit for. I'm guilty of saying "oh well she's not paying attention..." and moving on to the next kid or whatever... but she is paying attention. She's pulling us into her world a little bit at a time...at her pace...on her terms. And Lyla, I'm okay with that.

Phew. It was hard to type all that out through the happy tears. but there it is. My 32 weekers are turing 4 years old tomorrow. They are amazingly smart little people, who overflow our home with love and laughter. I am so lucky to be called "Mom" (or "Daddy" as Lyla calls me most of the time) by these children.

Here's to another great year ahead! FOUR
!!!!!

Independence Day

Happy Independence Day to you all!

Today is a fun day about celebrating the birth of our nation, with lots of family, food and fireworks! The kids have been excited for days about going to see the fireworks at Mimi's house! They're even all napping an hour ahead of schedule so we can be over there before all the other guests arrive!

This holiday for me is about tradition, since we were kids, living on Chiltern Road we've always had a picnic and watched the fireworks from our backyard. It's such a joy to be able to continue this tradition with our family and friends! It also is a trigger for a very exciting and emotional time 4 years ago when we were surprised by the triplets coming a little earlier than hoped. 4 years ago my parents brought my recliner to their house so that I could be comfortable in their backyard, as I was measuring 8 weeks overdue and having constant contractions. Honestly I don't remember much else about that day and I don't even know if anyone has a photo of me in my chair, I don't!

In a couple weeks we'll celebrate Owen, Lyla & Noah's 4th birthday. Holy Cow! It amazes me how my little 4lb babies are 30+lb toddlers in preschool and getting ready for PreK! They are truly amazing little people.

Owen is full of so much excitement to learn and create. He loves to tell us what's going on around us and the excitement in his eyes when he's telling you something really important to him is just captivating!

Noah is working so hard at this bathroom thing, anyone who comes to our door, or who he comes across in his "travels" the first thing he says (after "Hi, I'm Noah Thomas.") is "I went pee on the potty!!!" We're excited to see how he does in school, he is such a little social butterfly, he'll enjoy it so much!

Lyla is starting her summer session at Stepping Stones Learning Center on Monday. She's had a little over a week off at home, with less structure and I think she'll be ready to return to her schedule come Monday. We are so proud of how far she's come. The little things keep adding up, she's playing more with her siblings and peers. And she's using appropriate language more often too! Just today while I was putting her down for nap, she was getting settled but was looking around in her bed for something. I asked "What are you looking for?" She answered "A fish." and under me I pulled out a stuffed fish and she said "Yay! There it is!" Woah. I was floored. These types of interchanges with her a very few and far between, but they're emerging and we celebrate every time they do occur!! She's consistently our little echo...echoing everyone around her. (so watch what you say!)

Not long off will be Emmalee's 6th birthday and 1st grade!! She's doing so well in school and she's becoming a great helper and teacher to her siblings.

This Independence Day we're celebrating not only our nation, but the independence of each of our children, how far they've come and how they're learning to do so many things on their own!!

One year ago...

We were told our youngest daughter, Lyla, has autism. It's amazing how much happens in a year.

After her diagnosis I started reading and reading and reading. Trying to figure out what I could do to make our lives "easier" or "normal". Of course there is no such thing as "normal" but it's what we, as the human race strive for...normalcy. It didn't take long for me to realize that our family is unique, as is each an every other family in the universe, and I thank God for that.

Today marks one year since the doctor told us in that small exam room after observing Lyla, and listening to us talk about her "normal" behaviors or lack of, and we were given that label of autism. Sometimes I still cry thinking about it, but not because I'm sad for myself...or her...or all of us...but because we decided to take the steps to see what was really going on, we've come to where we are today.

Lyla is still not communicating like we'd hoped she would. But she has words, lots of them, even if they are mostly scripting shows or randomly singing songs (or maybe not so randomly) she hears on a daily basis, and my favorite lately is her "go to" phrases she pulls from us and/or her peers. She's a little parrot right now, typical of a 18 month old who repeats everything you say to them. We still talk to her as much as we can, and ask her questions and join her in song. It may not be the communication we have with the other 3 kids, but it's still communication.

She's got a year of school under her belt, she's been in an integrated (mix of kids with special needs and neuro-typical kids) class and she gets speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, music therapy (amazing by the way) and she's in an autism program where she gets even more therapy. It's a lot, but it's necessary and it's helping! A year ago she wasn't saying anything, now she's always singing, scripting, parroting all day. She's more attentive to those around her, and she even plays WITH her siblings, not just next to them. I'm still waiting for that time when she really looks at me and calls me "Mommy" but if I don't get it, I know she knows who I am...it's just that little selfish thing I hold on to.

She's going to continue through the summer with her schedule and come fall she's going to increase her services...so she'll be in school for a longer day. We're looking forward to what will come next!

Lyla is Letting Us In...

Lyla has always been a "loner" playing by herself while the others play together on the other side of the room. That turned into playing alongside her siblings, with something different than them, but nearby. Recently she's been attempting to interact with them, but usually goes about it physically, and therefore not getting the result she really wants, but attention nonetheless so she continues and seems to find it funny. 

Lyla in her space.

Last night she went and got out a bag of tiny figurines, mostly Disney characters, something she's always gravitated towards. She sat down in the middle of the living room, dumped the bag and started playing on her own. Everyone else was doing their own things at this moment as well, and then Noah decided he'd like to play with the figurines too. He went over to the pile, and grabbed what he wanted and Lyla, though not playing with that particular one, didn't like that. As you can imagine, there was some yelling and grabbing and pushing. Sitting across the room, watching this play out, I knew I'd have to intervene soon, but I just witnessed Lyla using appropriate language, "No! That's MINE! Give it back!" I was sitting there, jaw on my lap, thinking; Did she really just say all that, on her own without prompting? Woah. When she started getting a little physical, swatting and kicking at Noah, I got up and we talked through it, and as much as we wanted her to share and play with her brother, Noah go the short end of the stick and went to play with something else. I can't say I blame him, If some one's kicking at me, I'm out of there.

About 10 minutes later she started making her figurines talk, or was talking to them, not quite sure because it was all jargon. But she was moving them around and lifting them in the air, it was fun to watch. Andy decided he'd try to join in her play. You see, it's not easy for us to just sit and play with Lyla, as we can with the boys and Emmalee, she typically reacts as she did towards Noah, or she'll just get up and go do something else. This time she kept playing.

Lyla letting Daddy in...

She shared toys with her daddy, even imitated what he was doing. Lyla's always had a stronger pull toward adults, so I find it quite appropriate for her to let him in, when she just had a meltdown when her brother tried to play with her. Then, as you can see from the above picture, Owen was making his way into her space. I was taking the pictures, and was sure I'd have to put the camera away and have a teachable moment about sharing with her siblings too, not just with Daddy. But I kept the camera ready just in case...and snapped these: 

She let him in, and he was touching the toys, and talking with her and Andy. It was such an amazing little moment in time, and it only lasted about 3 or 4 minutes, but in our world that's HUGE progress. She's starting to let us in, a little at a time, on her terms. We're figuring out ways in, though they may only work one time, and then not the next.

School really is helping her, she's surrounded by her peers for half of her day, and though most of her language is defensive, and frustrated, it's functional language, she's learning and retaining these phrases, and using them appropriately. I wonder what she'll say next?

Thumbs Up

Lyla has started to give me "thumbs up" daily as the bus drives off to school. I was so excited when she started doing it, she remembered something that I did to try to understand if she was happy or not with whatever it was at the time. For weeks she been doing this now and at my monthly meeting with her team I learned that they've been giving "thumbs up/thumbs down" for healthy choices and I have to say my heart was a tad crushed. Then I realized, it doesn't matter where she picked it up, it's our "thing", just ours, and whether or not she knows what it means, she connects it to our daily routine.

Parts of our routine are starting to spark some language!

Getting Lyla ready for school this morning, I put on her new diaper, 
L: "Munchee" (there's a monkey on her diapers)
Me: "Yes! It's a monkey!" (my back and forth continued like this I'll spare you reading after each one.)
Socks on...L: "Sock.....Sock" 
Pants on...L: "Mittens"
Me: "Mittens? No, these are your pants!" L: "Pants."
Shoes on...L: "Shoe...Shoe."
Stand up to put on shirt...L: "Mittens!!"
Me: "No not mittens, shirt!" L: "SHIRT!"
Lyla runs to the mirror and sizes herself up and down, "Yay!"

These things are so small, yet so HUGE for Lyla. I'm so glad she is getting all her therapies and schooling, I don't know where we'd be today without it.

Thumbs Up!

Time for Change.

This is post I wrote 2 months ago, I didn't publish it then because I was so emotional about it and really didn't think I'd be able to get past that first day. If I shared this with the handful of people who maybe read this, then there'd be an expectation for me to continue my journey...I wasn't ready to "go public" with this. But today is just over 2 months since this post, since the day that I decided to make a very important change in my life, and because I'm making progress I am ready to let it be known!

From 11/11/14 8:06pm:

It's been awhile since my blog has been about ME. I write mostly about my kids and things going on with them, and how I might feel about it...but rarely do I talk about myself.

I'm making a change, today. I want to do something about how I feel physically. I'm clearly overweight and I spend a lot of time talking about what I will one day do about it. I use a lot of excuses to why I can't join a gym or why I'm too tired to take a walk at the end of the day. I am done making excuses, the motivation isn't going to come from anyone but myself, and finally, I'm taking the first step to a healthier me.

Yesterday I logged everything I ate on myfitnesspal and throughout the day made healthy choices, and came out under my calorie goal for the day! Pretty good. Today, I made more healthy choices, by eating right, and by exercising for the first time in a very long time. I didn't just take a walk, which is exercise, and I will do that as well, but I actually put on Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video and did phase 1 of that. It was a very emotionally and physically exhausting 25 minutes, but I did it. I made it through the sweat and tears (lots of them, ask the kids), unsure if I'll ever turn the DVD on again, but I did it. Because I actually burned some calories, I was way under my calorie goal for today, and that felt really good.

I was very thoughtful when preparing my meals today. I actually looked at the serving sizes. That's something I NEVER do. This is something that I really need to start doing regularly, and I think it will help a lot. I also gave up pop recently, I don't buy it for the house anymore, but when I go out to eat or am at a party I have a glass/can or whatever. I'm going to stop even doing that...water only...and my morning cup of coffee.

I am really scared about making these changes, I know they'll only be positive, but getting through all the hell to get to the point of starting to feel better is the scary part. It's so easy to just eat...and sit around. It's so easy to give into temptations and cravings. It's so easy not to take care of me when I can use the excuse that I'm too busy taking care of everyone else. It's so easy talking about how much I want to change but never actually doing anything about it. But today I am making the choice to make a change. I really, really hope I can stick with it.

Back to today: 1/14/15 11:23am

I've lost 16lbs and 6.5 inches...I feel better because I'm eating better and exercising. Even through the holidays I did well with how much I ate...it was very difficult to not have a few cookies here and there, but I am working so hard, it was nice to have a treat. I love food, and I am still eating what I love, just not in excess. There are days I feel like a failure, but those days come to an end, and the next day I get to start fresh. I have a small support group of ladies in the same boat as me and they are my motivation and hold me accountable, but also make sure I know I can and will make mistakes, but tomorrow is a new day. I've found a workout that I like, and I'm taking it at my pace, and just eating better. I cut out pop, but over the holidays had more than I should've! Once the parties were over, I stopped again. I'm learning good habits of eating and I'm proud of how far I've come in this short time. I have a long way to go, but I believe I will get there!