Time for Change.

This is post I wrote 2 months ago, I didn't publish it then because I was so emotional about it and really didn't think I'd be able to get past that first day. If I shared this with the handful of people who maybe read this, then there'd be an expectation for me to continue my journey...I wasn't ready to "go public" with this. But today is just over 2 months since this post, since the day that I decided to make a very important change in my life, and because I'm making progress I am ready to let it be known!

From 11/11/14 8:06pm:

It's been awhile since my blog has been about ME. I write mostly about my kids and things going on with them, and how I might feel about it...but rarely do I talk about myself.

I'm making a change, today. I want to do something about how I feel physically. I'm clearly overweight and I spend a lot of time talking about what I will one day do about it. I use a lot of excuses to why I can't join a gym or why I'm too tired to take a walk at the end of the day. I am done making excuses, the motivation isn't going to come from anyone but myself, and finally, I'm taking the first step to a healthier me.

Yesterday I logged everything I ate on myfitnesspal and throughout the day made healthy choices, and came out under my calorie goal for the day! Pretty good. Today, I made more healthy choices, by eating right, and by exercising for the first time in a very long time. I didn't just take a walk, which is exercise, and I will do that as well, but I actually put on Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video and did phase 1 of that. It was a very emotionally and physically exhausting 25 minutes, but I did it. I made it through the sweat and tears (lots of them, ask the kids), unsure if I'll ever turn the DVD on again, but I did it. Because I actually burned some calories, I was way under my calorie goal for today, and that felt really good.

I was very thoughtful when preparing my meals today. I actually looked at the serving sizes. That's something I NEVER do. This is something that I really need to start doing regularly, and I think it will help a lot. I also gave up pop recently, I don't buy it for the house anymore, but when I go out to eat or am at a party I have a glass/can or whatever. I'm going to stop even doing that...water only...and my morning cup of coffee.

I am really scared about making these changes, I know they'll only be positive, but getting through all the hell to get to the point of starting to feel better is the scary part. It's so easy to just eat...and sit around. It's so easy to give into temptations and cravings. It's so easy not to take care of me when I can use the excuse that I'm too busy taking care of everyone else. It's so easy talking about how much I want to change but never actually doing anything about it. But today I am making the choice to make a change. I really, really hope I can stick with it.

Back to today: 1/14/15 11:23am

I've lost 16lbs and 6.5 inches...I feel better because I'm eating better and exercising. Even through the holidays I did well with how much I ate...it was very difficult to not have a few cookies here and there, but I am working so hard, it was nice to have a treat. I love food, and I am still eating what I love, just not in excess. There are days I feel like a failure, but those days come to an end, and the next day I get to start fresh. I have a small support group of ladies in the same boat as me and they are my motivation and hold me accountable, but also make sure I know I can and will make mistakes, but tomorrow is a new day. I've found a workout that I like, and I'm taking it at my pace, and just eating better. I cut out pop, but over the holidays had more than I should've! Once the parties were over, I stopped again. I'm learning good habits of eating and I'm proud of how far I've come in this short time. I have a long way to go, but I believe I will get there!